The lights are on...

but nobody's home. Recently [read: ever since having a baby] I catch myself staring blankly at the wall, the dresser, or a running faucet for longer than is acceptable in a normal human being. I feel like part of my brain has seeped slowly out of my ear. Perhaps it was used to create and feed 2 human beings. I hear that can really take it out of ya. Anyway, despite being 24, I feel like my body has aged double in the last 3 years. I'm not complaining- I'd do anything for those 2 beautiful babies; I'm just observing the gradual, yet sudden and drastic toll that being an adult can take on a woman.

Now that I've got that out of way, the real reason for my post is to reminisce on the beauty and bliss that is my life. I can't believe how lucky I am to have ended up with such sweet kids!

Not to mention a devoted husband who listens to me complain, encourages my dreaming, talks me through every thought, and loves to hold me at the end of the day. The picture above captures Bakersfield pretty well. Mostly dessert with spots of green and random oil pumps placed around the city.

The family recently made it out to Murray Family Farms for a little pumpkin patch fun. We jumped on a giant rubber pillow, picked 4 cute tiny pumpkins, and made our way through the apple orchard where Levi took a bite out of at least 10 different apples.

It's a morning kind of afternoon

Today is one of those days when you realize at about lunch time, that you haven't gotten out of bed yet. To be fair, we've had some pretty productive days around here lately. Besides the occasional breakdown, I'm actually pretty happy about life. Sometimes I feel redundant thanking God for the same things every day. Levi's kisses, Matt's "old man" hair, long talks with my husband... but this is the "stuff" of my days and I couldn't be happier.

In case most of you missed it (probably because I didn't mention anything), we live in California now. Bakersfield. We're 2 hours from just about everything. Disneyland, the beach, Yosemite. A couple of weeks ago we attempted to go to the beach and ended up staying long enough to get sand stuck in every place and for Levi to fall in the water. So about 10 minutes.

My favorite part about living here is just how close everything is. Trader Joe's is .09 miles down the street, along with every other grocery store imaginable. Which is basically all I need. I now understand how kids must feel when their parents leave them in the car when they go to the store. I did everything but throw a fit when we first moved here and Jason went into Trader Joe's without me while I nursed the baby in the car. Oh the sacrifices you love to make to be a mom... and I do love them.

Rants of a crazy mom

Dream: Sitting in Starbucks drinking a passion tea lemonade, hair done perfectly, recently dyed, cute boots, a nice leather bag, a deep sigh of peace... while I write about, oh I don't know, things people do who don't have any kids. Like climbing mountains or a day at the spa. Something like that.

Reality: Still in what I wore all day yesterday, covered in remnants of every meal my toddler has eaten in the last 48 hours (and every meal I haven't) and a baby on my lap. The other is in bed, which is how I found a minute to write this post. I'm drinking water to keep up with my nursing and eating a banana to try to make up for my lack of energy- which has been my companion since I got pregnant 2 months after we got married. Which was 2.5 years ago. This is my life. This is reality.

I know... you're welcome to forward this post to your friends who don't have kids so that they can leave nasty comments below. Here's a little disclaimer for the craziness of my post. I have a right to get stuff off my chest. My kids are the biggest blessing in the world and I would NOT trade them for absolutely anything. So stop with the guilt-inducing negative comments. Thanks. We now return to your regularly scheduled program.

In case you don't remember what that was... I was just thinking about how nice it would be to keep the house clean for more than an hour, to get out of the grocery store with my nerves still in tact, and to wake up like a normal person, shower, eat, get myself dressed...

Honestly, I'm just trying to find the balance. I need something besides pb&j and dirty diapers. Just a quick break to breathe and sleep. The kinda funny thing about it is that every time my husband tells me to go ahead and take a break, I can't be away from these beautiful babies for more than an hour without missing them. And even though I feel like a hermit who can't seem to finish unpacking moving boxes, my babies give me purpose. They make my life worth living. And I know someday I'll be grateful that I was allowed to not get dressed for days at a time because when they were finally asleep there was no point to getting dressed. I'll be sad that they're growing up and becoming independent. Sigh... we always want what we can't have, don't we?

I've tried listening to my own advice and philosophical blabbering to my husband. The ones about how I don't care what anybody thinks and "it's not an easy job, but someone's got to do it." Some days those just don't cut it though. Some days you have so much to do, that rather than trying to accomplish just a few tasks on your list and feel good about it, you shut down and watch The Vampire Diaries all day long. And then you feel lazy so you kick your butt into gear and make it look like you didn't lose it while your husband was gone at work. Tell me I'm not the only who feels like this. I'm just being honest here. Let's not pretend that we're the only ones who aren't perfect. You know Mrs. Sally Lipstick is faking it too. And sometimes we succeed at faking it because it makes us feel more normal.

Ok, you've heard enough from me. My toddler is screaming from his crib. Adios.

Baby Matt: Welcome to the Family

Who doesn't love a good birth story? And they're all good. It amazes me how different every pregnancy and birth experience is. My pregnancy was a beautiful and fortunately uneventful 9 months of a miracle. I put myself in the "easy pregnancy" category. As great and complaint-free as my pregnancy was, labor was no picnic. I don't think anybody likes labor until it's over.

This time we opted to give birth in a birth center in a small town just a few minutes from Rexburg. The ride over to the birth center was cliche down to my husband honking at people to move out of the way (on a one-lane construction zone highway) and yelling at them, "She's having a baby!!!" while placing his hands in front of him cradling an imaginary belly. I was sitting in the passenger seat huffing and puffing and praying for people to just let us pass.

I guess I'm getting a little ahead of myself... everything really started 2 weeks before Matt was due. It was a Wednesday night and I'd been having steady contractions for 6 hours. They weren't painful yet, but were getting closer together and more uncomfortable by the hour. I called my midwife and told her what was going on and she said that she's see me in a few hours. I was excited and hopeful so we packed our bags, picked up some things at the grocery store, and got ready to have a baby! By 9 pm the contractions had completely stopped and I was beyond frustrated. I went to bed, hoping that things would pick back up in the morning.

Two weeks passed and I kept waiting for something to happen, each day getting more and more frustrated with my lack of progression. Finally, on Matt's due date (June 3rd) I had the midwife sweep my membranes. They sent me home in early labor at 3 pm and we got ready (again) to have a baby! Once again, 9 o'clock came around and my labor completely stopped. I called my midwife and she tried to reassure me with stories of moms who pick up labor in the morning. I wasn't very hopeful.

The next morning, I woke up and got in the shower at 7 am only to get out 15 minutes later in full on active labor. The contractions were coming hard and fast and I knew that this time they weren't slowing down. After a call to midwife and an intense car ride, we got to the birth center at 8 o'clock. The next few hours are a bit of a blur for me, mostly because I've tried to forget. All I can say is that I hate labor. At one point I just stopped fighting and let the pain take over my body. I was a little disappointed in myself for losing control and not doing as well as I hoped. In fact, I think i was a bit of a pansy. Around noon, the midwife checked my and informed me that I was finally at a 10. She said that if I felt like pushing, I could push. I didn't feel like pushing, but I tried anyway. After I changed positions and stood at the edge of the bed, I asked her to break my water. From there, it was all downhill. The next contraction, I couldn't help but push. And as soon as I felt that urge, I knew the end was near and I put everything I had into getting that baby to come out. Just two pushes later, he was out! They set him on my back and moved me to the bed where I could hold him.

They laid baby Matt on my chest and a rush of relief swept over me. It was over. I didn't have to writhe in pain through one more contraction. I was finally holding my baby and I was not planning on putting myself through that again for a few more years. I just held him for a couple of hours and basked in the joy and relief of it all. Once again, I had done the hardest thing a woman can do. I had finished my 9-month masterpiece and had endured the final agonizing hours, only to be rewarded with the most precious little man I could imagine. I sighed in relief so many times, always exclaiming, "I'm so glad it's over!"

When they finally weighed my little guy, he was 7 pounds, 14 ounces and 21 inches long. He was the most perfect thing. I thought from the minute I saw him that he looked even more like his dad than Levi did. Now we've been home for almost 2 weeks and had an incredible recovery. We couldn't be more blessed. I am humbled that he is so healthy and perfect because I know that so many people a burdened with the worries of a premature or unhealthy child. We couldn't be happier with the new addition to our family. Welcome to the world, Matthew Kent Horlacher!

 He's getting cuter!

 Levi loves giving baby Matt kisses

 He held his hand the whole way home from the birth center. My heart melted...

 7 pounds, 14 ounces (his brother was 6.9)

 Pretty excited to be a big brother :)

This one is so sweet... I love how big Jason's hand is compared to tiny baby Matt's.

Do I really have time for this post?

I keep intending to blog, but I just haven't sat down. And now that I'm sitting down, my body is telling me that I should try to get a nap in while Levi is sleeping. My new baby could be here any day now so I'm really trying to keep calm as I tackle a mile-long list of things to do before he makes an appearance. The most important things being finishing his bassinet and buying diapers.

We had a wonderful Spring Break down in Las Vegas where we were able to:

Ride an exotic car: Jason's brother works at Exotics Racing in Vegas and got Jason a ride-along in a Z-06

• Visit M&M world: Levi grabbed my hand and covered his eyes during the loud 3D tour video
• See a show on the Strip: We highly recommend Penn and Teller! Incredibly entertaining, patriotic and clean! Plus it was our first real kid-free date in a while! 
• Go to "our" temple: The Las Vegas temple is where we were sealed so it was nice being able to do a session. 
• Get a foot massage from an Asian guy who didn't speak English, but was visibly ticked off when I didn't buy 20 more minutes of awkward leg rubbing in a makeshift booth where I had a nice view of a Filipino war movie and a Golden Buddha. 
• Take Levi to the Zoo and see a chimp, a Lion, and lots of goats and pigeons. 
• Spend uninterrupted time with our daddy because he had NO homework! 

We had so much fun together and we already can't wait for this semester to be over. 

In other news, Mother's Day was absolutely perfect. If you didn't see the video that Jason made for our mothers (and me, really) then you can check it out on my facebook page. I'm sure you don't want to watch 8 minutes straight of my kid, but it was the most beautiful Mother's Day gift. I am so blessed to be able to be a mother and feel so much love for this little guy who has completely stolen my heart. 

Now.... back to my to do list. 

The Easter Bunny and a "grandparent" video.

Isn't our family of (4) cute?! We can't wait to meet little baby Matt in a couple of months!

As tradition would have it, our family celebrated the fun part of Easter on Saturday. Our whole complex had an egg hunt with all the cute little kids. Levi was pretty funny to watch because he didn't quite get the idea of hunting for eggs.

Easter Sunday was the beginning of our sick days. It gave me a whole new appreciation for the Resurrection. We will all have perfect bodies someday! Thank goodness because I hate seeing Levi sick. I feel helpless. He has been such a good sport about the whole thing. It's nice to be able to give comfort just by holding him. At least we had a fun Saturday. We had an egg hunt, Jason won an eating contest (I was very opposed to it until I found out he won.) He ate a 5 patty hamburger, fries and a drink in 5 minutes and 43 seconds. Hey, if'you're going to make yourself sick eating, you might as well win something, right? I was actually pretty proud of him. As a little bonus for all of you (because I'm sure you're just as obsessed with my adorable kid as I am), here's a video we made for our families of all the Levi can say. He's 15 months old and so smart. Excuse the eating- this video turned out a lot better than the one where we tried to get him to hold still on the couch.

Norovirus? Ain't nobody got time fo dat!

It has been a hard week at our house. Our poor little guy got a bug and hasn't been able to keep much food down or in for a few days. I was feeling pretty overwhelmed last night after I put him to bed, so Jason cheered me up by playing this little gem over and over again. I could not stop laughing.

To try to cheer Levi up today, we had to get some fresh air. It's been so nice outside. Rexburg in the spring equals perfect weather.

Levi was so tired that he fell asleep during our family prayer.