Thursday, August 22, 2013

Rants of a crazy mom

Dream: Sitting in Starbucks drinking a passion tea lemonade, hair done perfectly, recently dyed, cute boots, a nice leather bag, a deep sigh of peace... while I write about, oh I don't know, things people do who don't have any kids. Like climbing mountains or a day at the spa. Something like that.

Reality: Still in what I wore all day yesterday, covered in remnants of every meal my toddler has eaten in the last 48 hours (and every meal I haven't) and a baby on my lap. The other is in bed, which is how I found a minute to write this post. I'm drinking water to keep up with my nursing and eating a banana to try to make up for my lack of energy- which has been my companion since I got pregnant 2 months after we got married. Which was 2.5 years ago. This is my life. This is reality.

I know... you're welcome to forward this post to your friends who don't have kids so that they can leave nasty comments below. Here's a little disclaimer for the craziness of my post. I have a right to get stuff off my chest. My kids are the biggest blessing in the world and I would NOT trade them for absolutely anything. So stop with the guilt-inducing negative comments. Thanks. We now return to your regularly scheduled program.

In case you don't remember what that was... I was just thinking about how nice it would be to keep the house clean for more than an hour, to get out of the grocery store with my nerves still in tact, and to wake up like a normal person, shower, eat, get myself dressed...

Honestly, I'm just trying to find the balance. I need something besides pb&j and dirty diapers. Just a quick break to breathe and sleep. The kinda funny thing about it is that every time my husband tells me to go ahead and take a break, I can't be away from these beautiful babies for more than an hour without missing them. And even though I feel like a hermit who can't seem to finish unpacking moving boxes, my babies give me purpose. They make my life worth living. And I know someday I'll be grateful that I was allowed to not get dressed for days at a time because when they were finally asleep there was no point to getting dressed. I'll be sad that they're growing up and becoming independent. Sigh... we always want what we can't have, don't we?

I've tried listening to my own advice and philosophical blabbering to my husband. The ones about how I don't care what anybody thinks and "it's not an easy job, but someone's got to do it." Some days those just don't cut it though. Some days you have so much to do, that rather than trying to accomplish just a few tasks on your list and feel good about it, you shut down and watch The Vampire Diaries all day long. And then you feel lazy so you kick your butt into gear and make it look like you didn't lose it while your husband was gone at work. Tell me I'm not the only who feels like this. I'm just being honest here. Let's not pretend that we're the only ones who aren't perfect. You know Mrs. Sally Lipstick is faking it too. And sometimes we succeed at faking it because it makes us feel more normal.

Ok, you've heard enough from me. My toddler is screaming from his crib. Adios.