Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Did I mention I'm 23?

It's almost hard to type this because my fingers are shaking. I'm lost for words, but feel like there is so much I need to say. I've been told many times that I don't need to apologize, but I still feel sorry for anyone I offended with my last post. It was honestly written from a non-defensive mindset. But I realize that there are so many individuals with different circumstances and things can easily be misunderstood.

So, for the record... (I think bullet points will make this post easier to get through.)

  • I can't judge anyone. I put in an honest effort to eliminate judging thoughts of everyone I see or read about or know. I understand that only Jesus Christ can understand perfectly what you're going through and I have no place to say that you are or aren't doing something right. I don't want to be judged, so I just try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and trust that they're probably better people than I am. 
  • Anybody who knows me knows that I have all the sympathy in the world for those who struggle with infertility. While I haven't, my mother has. I was adopted by the most incredible and courageous woman I know. She couldn't have children for 21 years and was just barely blessed with a little miracle. She endured the judgement of so many people over the years. I have never thought less of her for not being able to have children. In fact, I've cried many times for my mother because of her sincere to desires to be a mother and trying to understand what the Lord's plan for her was. So trust me when I say, my heart sincerely goes out to those who struggle with infertility. Your strength and faith is incredibly inspiring. 
  • This bullet point is most important because it clarifies what I think of the feminist movement in the LDS church. Here is my official statement. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I believe that the family is central to the Lord's plan for all of His children. While I understand that so many people struggle with infertility, there are those who desire to put other worthy and good pursuits at a higher priority than raising a family. That is the trend that the world is following and it seems that it's becoming more popular in the LDS church to do the same. However, I understand that there is no cookie cutter for women in God's plan. We are all individuals with separate missions and desires. There are so many good things that women with no children do in this world. I thank God for their sacrifices and their valuable contributions to society. 
  • I believe that what the leader of the LDS church say is true. The decision of when to have children and how many to have is up to parents. We don't know how many children the Lord has prepared for those who are able to have children in this life and we don't have any room to judge or say that WE know what would be best for them. That's simply ridiculous. Those who have the opportunity in this life to marry and have children will prayerfully choose with the Lord how many children to have and when to have them because the Lord knows each family and each individual best. 
  • Last but certainly not the least of what I could write, please try to understand that I am one of the most imperfect people you could ever meet. Not to mention, I'm a 23 year old mother of one who clearly has a lot of living left to do. I'm still learning how to be more understanding, charitable, loving, nonjudgmental, and kind. I don't like to hurt anyone and certainly didn't do this intentionally. Please accept my sincere apologies if you were one who I offended. I hope I was able to clarify and help anybody who wanted to, understand where I was coming from a little better. 
Ah... I can breathe a little bit now. 


  1. Love this and you. (And your last post)

  2. ...and just saw this post. Thanks so much for it and your willingness (again) to stand up for what you believe. No one really warns people about how easy it is to start an internet flame war completely unintentionally. Thanks for taking the time to respond (so classily!) to people who saw your post (misguidedly) as an attack, myself somewhat included.

  3. As smalldog pointed out on your last post, Mormon feminists are often attacked and judged and it frustrates us. So we let loose on your post which really felt like an attack. I am impressed that instead of firing back, you said you were willing to see our point of view. I think defensiveness on both ends of the feminism spectrum prohibits genuine dialogue which can bring about understanding. So kudos to you for avoiding the defensiveness. It's something we can all learn from.

  4. "We are all individuals with separate missions and desires. There are so many good things that women with no children do in this world."

    Thank you for saying this.

  5. ^^What J said. :) I appreciate your thoughtful and gentle response. *HUGS* I didn't read through the litany of comments yesterday, so someone might have already mentioned this, but one site that might help you see another perspective is ordainwomen.org. It's run by faithful, active women who want to have a conversation about the possibilities of women's roles. I was really impressed by the uplifting, faithful dialog going on over there. The internet is great because we can have conversations that expand our world view. Sometimes, though, that can be a painful experience, and for that I'm very sorry. I hope that your day is filled with friends and hot chocolate and cookies and sunshine. :D

  6. Nicole-
    I grew up with your hubby and stumbled upon your blog from a mutual friend's blog...anyway I just wanted to applaud you. I saw all those people's responses to your last post~ WHOA!

    Sorry so many people lashed out. I thought you handled it very well. Pretty sure I would not have been as mature about it when replying to their comments.

    Anyway just wanted to send some support your way. It didn't seem like you were trying to pick a fight, just voicing an opinion. Thanks for standing up for what you believe and being an example!


    1. Monica- thank you so much. I started dreading getting on the computer for a few days so it's so nice to hear a sweet comment. I appreciate it!